Menopause Is Not MEANOPAUSE
I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t kind—to others or to myself—and I couldn’t figure out why. What’s wrong with me? I kept asking. Why am I behaving this way? Kindness has always been one of my core values, but I wasn’t living it. Instead, I was irritable, impatient, and far from the person I wanted to be.
Then, I realised: menopause.
But even understanding the cause didn’t make it okay. Menopause didn’t give me a free pass to be unkind—it wasn’t MEANOPAUSE. I knew I had to confront this major life transition with honesty and grace. I had to learn about it, talk about it, and find a way to navigate it while staying true to myself and my values.
Here’s a staggering fact: by 2025, an estimated 1.1 billion women will be menopausal. With women living longer, the average woman will spend 40% of her life in postmenopause. That’s nearly half a lifetime shaped by the emotional, physical, and psychological shifts of this stage.
I know I’m not alone in feeling the disconnect between my values and my actions during menopause. Hormonal changes can amplify emotions, trigger irritability, and make it hard to respond with the patience and kindness we strive for. While these shifts don’t excuse unkindness, understanding them can shed light on why we sometimes feel “off.”
Navigating menopause is an opportunity to lean into self-compassion. It’s a reminder to be gentle with ourselves as we adapt to these changes and to trust that kindness—both to ourselves and to others—is a practice we can always return to.
And let’s extend that kindness to others experiencing menopause or perimenopause. If you notice someone struggling or acting out of character, approach them with curiosity and compassion. A gentle acknowledgment can go a long way in helping them feel seen and supported during this transformative stage of life.
The Menopause Brain
During menopause, significant hormonal changes take place in the body, primarily affecting estrogen and progesterone levels. These hormonal shifts can cause a range of physical and emotional symptoms. Here’s a breakdown of what happens chemically during menopause:
1. Decline in Estrogen
Primary Change: Estrogen levels decrease significantly during menopause, which is a key factor in many of the symptoms experienced.
Impact on the Body: Estrogen plays a critical role in regulating many bodily functions, including the reproductive system, brain function, skin elasticity, bone health, and cardiovascular health. As levels drop, you may experience hot flashes, night sweats, mood changes, and cognitive changes ("menopause brain").
2. Decrease in Progesterone
Primary Change: Progesterone, which helps regulate the menstrual cycle and pregnancy, also declines during menopause.
Impact on the Body: A drop in progesterone can lead to irregular periods before they stop altogether and may contribute to sleep disturbances and mood swings.
3. Increase in Follicle-Stimulating Hormone (FSH)
Primary Change: FSH levels increase as the body tries to stimulate the ovaries to produce more estrogen, but since the ovaries are winding down their function, this doesn't lead to increased estrogen production.
Impact on the Body: Elevated FSH levels are often used as a marker to indicate the onset of menopause and may contribute to hot flashes and irregular periods.
4. Testosterone Levels
Primary Change: While testosterone is often associated with men, women produce it in smaller amounts. Testosterone levels can decline during menopause.
Impact on the Body: Lower testosterone can lead to reduced libido, less energy, and changes in muscle mass.
5. Neurotransmitter Changes (Serotonin and Dopamine)
Primary Change: Estrogen also influences the production of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, which regulate mood.
Impact on the Body: As estrogen decreases, serotonin and dopamine levels can fluctuate, potentially leading to mood swings, anxiety, and depression. This is why some women experience more emotional sensitivity or irritability during menopause.
6. Cortisol (Stress Hormone)
Primary Change: Stress levels can increase during menopause, potentially leading to higher levels of cortisol, the body’s stress hormone.
Impact on the Body: Elevated cortisol levels over time can contribute to weight gain (particularly around the midsection), sleep disturbances, and anxiety.
7. Bone and Cardiovascular Health
Primary Change: Estrogen helps protect bones by keeping bone density high. Its decline leads to a greater risk of osteoporosis. Estrogen also has a protective effect on the cardiovascular system.
Impact on the Body: As estrogen decreases, the risk for heart disease and bone-related issues like osteoporosis increases.
8. Vaginal and Skin Changes
Primary Change: Estrogen supports skin and vaginal tissue health by maintaining moisture levels and elasticity.
Impact on the Body: Lower estrogen can lead to vaginal dryness, discomfort during intercourse, thinning of the skin, and a higher likelihood of skin aging.
9. Impact on Brain Function
Primary Change: Estrogen also influences brain function and cognitive processes, particularly memory and focus.
Impact on the Body: The drop in estrogen can lead to cognitive symptoms such as forgetfulness or "brain fog," known as "menopause brain."
Managing the Chemical Changes
Many women manage these hormonal shifts through lifestyle changes, including:
Diet: Eating foods rich in phytoestrogens (like soy), omega-3 fatty acids, and antioxidants can support hormone balance. I have decided to enrol in this great program called EMPWRHER™️!
Exercise: Regular physical activity helps maintain bone density, cardiovascular health, and mood stability.
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT): Some women choose HRT to alleviate severe symptoms, although it's important to discuss risks and benefits with a healthcare provider.
Mindfulness and Stress Management: Practices like meditation, yoga, and deep breathing can help regulate stress and improve emotional well-being.
These hormonal changes are a natural part of menopause, and while they can cause discomfort, there are many ways to support your body and mind through this transition.
Reconnect with your Sense of Self
I want to explore ways to manage the emotional effects of menopause, especially as it can feel like your actions or reactions are not aligned with your values. Here are a few reflections and practices that might help you reconnect with your sense of self and kindness during this time:
1. Acknowledge the Shift with Self-Compassion
Menopause represents a significant life transition, and it's okay to grieve the loss of certain aspects of yourself while embracing new ones. Being kind to yourself means accepting that your emotional responses may be heightened. Self-compassion practices, like taking a few moments each day to offer yourself grace when things feel out of control, can ease the frustration.
Try this: When you notice yourself feeling impatient or unkind, pause and say, “I’m going through a change, and it’s okay to feel what I’m feeling.” Acknowledgment without judgment is the first step to regaining your equilibrium.
2. Mindfulness and Stillness
Stillness is a superpower. Tapping into mindfulness or even moments of quiet reflection can help you check in with yourself before reacting to situations. When emotions flare, finding stillness allows you to pause and choose kindness—both toward yourself and others.
Try this: Set aside five minutes a day to focus on your breath, bringing awareness to how you’re feeling emotionally. Sometimes the simple act of noticing helps release tension.
3. Revisit Your Core Values
During menopause, your mind and body are adjusting. By gently reminding yourself of your core value—kindness—you can re-anchor yourself when you feel out of sorts. Reflecting on your value can guide your responses to situations.
Try this: Write down your core value of kindness and place it somewhere visible. Each time you feel yourself veering away from it, take a moment to remember how much kindness means to you.
4. Create a Kindness Ritual
Develop a daily or weekly ritual where you intentionally practice kindness, either toward yourself or others. It could be something small, like writing a note of encouragement to yourself or performing an act of kindness for a loved one. Ritualising kindness can help retrain your emotional responses to be more aligned with your values, even when your hormones are fluctuating.
Try this: Set a reminder to text a kind message to someone every day or write yourself a small note of encouragement in the morning.
5. Self-Care and Physical Well-being
Hormonal fluctuations during menopause can leave you feeling exhausted, both mentally and physically. Focusing on self-care—whether through nutrition, exercise, or rest—can help regulate your mood and energy levels. When your physical body feels nurtured, it’s often easier to respond with patience and kindness.
Try this: Incorporate calming physical practices like yoga, meditation, or even just gentle stretching into your routine. Nourish your body with foods that support hormonal balance.
6. Connect with a Support Network
Surround yourself with people who understand or are going through the same journey. Sharing experiences with others can make the emotional burdens of menopause lighter. It’s also a space where you can practice kindness toward others who are facing similar challenges.
Try this: Seek out a menopause support group or talk with friends or family about what you’re experiencing. Sometimes just expressing what you’re going through helps you feel more at ease and reconnected to your values.
7. Forgive Yourself for Not Being Perfect
On the days where you don’t live up to your ideal, offer yourself forgiveness. Remember, the goal isn’t perfection—it’s progress. Even as someone who values kindness, it’s okay to have moments where you fall short. The key is to recognise it and try again, with gentleness.
Maintain Kindness and Balance
Here are a few more strategies you can adopt to maintain kindness and balance during menopause:
Emotional regulation techniques: Use deep breathing, journaling, or mindfulness practices to manage heightened emotions. These techniques help you stay centred and respond calmly in situations where you might otherwise feel irritable or overwhelmed.
Focus on gratitude: Cultivating gratitude, even for small things, can shift your mindset and reduce stress. Regularly reflecting on what you’re thankful for can help maintain a positive outlook during challenging moments.
Stay informed: Learn more about menopause and its effects on both the body and mind. Understanding what’s happening can reduce frustration and help you feel more in control. Knowledge can also help you communicate better with those around you.
Leverage humour: Sometimes, lightening up and finding humour in your experiences can ease tension. Laughter can create connection and bring perspective to moments that might otherwise feel overwhelming.
Lean into empathy: Remember that everyone is dealing with something. Showing empathy toward others, despite how you feel, can reinforce your sense of connection and maintain harmony in your relationships.
Be kind to yourself: Self-kindness during menopause is just as important as being kind to others. Acknowledge that you’re doing your best and allow yourself to experience vulnerability without judgment. When you treat yourself kindly, it’s easier to extend that same grace to those around you.
By blending these techniques, you can navigate this stage of life with strength, kindness, and grace.